Cruelty
by ERROCKSMYSOCKS
Summary: Elizabeth needs help. Who will be there for her? Cordano...


Cruelty

A/N: This is a Cordano!!! Please forgive me I just had surgery so I am kind of slow and not so good.

Elizabeth woke up to her alarm clock blaring. Time for another shift without Mark. Time for more pitiful looks. Time for more people telling her "I'm sorry." Couldn't they leave her alone? She didn't want to talk about him to anyone. She couldn't talk about him to anyone. Not even to herself. She would burst into tears just thinking of him.

In the car on the way to work she was alone with her thoughts. She couldn't escape them so she turned on the radio. She didn't realize that Rachel had left a CD in. Blaring through her speakers came 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow'. She immediately thought of him. She turned the radio back off and tried to concentrate on the road.

She arrived at County General a few minutes early so she went to clock in. She met Robert in the hall.

"Lizzy! You're early!" He called from the elevator.

"I know Robert!" She replied as the doors closed.

She clocked in and went to her office. She got out a pack of crackers and went to get a cup of coffee. She was down in the cafeteria when she suddenly felt a little dizzy and had to grab onto the rail on the tray holder. It passed quickly and she figured that it was due to not having breakfast. She ate her crackers, drank her coffee, and went back to work. She was almost immediately paged to the ER for a rule out Appy.

As they were wheeling the patient up to the OR, Romano called out to her again.

"Lizzy, I'm going to assist you on your Appy!" He called cheerily.

"Wonderful." She said sarcastically.

"Oh come on now. You know you're excited!" He exclaimed.

"Yes Robert I'm sure." She responded smiling a little. She was feeling better after the crackers but Mark was still on her mind. She was wondering why it had to be him when she suddenly felt dizzy again and had to stop. Even though they were wheeling the man to the elevator, Elizabeth had to stop and lean against the wall. Romano came to her aid.

"Lizzy, are you alright?" He asked.

It was passing and she was able to open her eyes again. "Yes. Yes, I'm fine. Let's go." She said, trying to put it aside.

"Lizzy, what happened? Are you sick?" He asked concerned.

"No, no I'm fine, really. Let's go. This man needs his appendix out." She said, changing the subject.

"Why don't you go lay down for a while. I'll get someone to cover your shift." Robert said. He was concerned.

Elizabeth knew that she wouldn't sleep. She would merely be alone with her thoughts and that would not help at all. She wanted the distraction. She needed it. "No Robert. Really I'm fine. But thank you." She said as she began pushing the gurney onto the elevator.  
Robert got in after her. He went around to her side and placed his hand on her forehead. "You're a little warm Lizzy. Are you sure you're feeling Ok?" He asked again.

"Yes. It passes. Don't worry I'll be fine." She said. She really wasn't feeling very well but she didn't want to go lie down and be alone. She wanted to think about the surgery. Not Mark.

"What passes?" He asked, now curious.

"The dizziness. It's nothing. I'm fine really." She repeated.

The elevator reached its destination and they got out.

"How's Ella?" Robert asked as he began to scrub.

"She's good. She's talking." Elizabeth answered. She was glad the subject was off herself. She didn't want to talk about it. She didn't want him to worry. She didn't want anyone to worry. She was trying not to worry. She knew that whatever was causing her dizziness could be serious. She knew that very well but she had too much on her plate to worry about herself.

"She's how old now?" He asked still concerned.

"2 and a half." She answered. "She's quite a handful sometimes." She added.

"I bet." He replied as they finished scrubbing.

"Suction." He called about halfway into the surgery.

"Lizzie can you tie off that artery?" he asked. No answer. "Lizzie?" He called.

"What huh?" She asked quickly as she came out of her trance.  
"Go lay down Lizzie." He told her. She nodded and left. He finished the surgery himself and went to check on her.

She wasn't sleeping just as she had predicted. She was lying awake missing Mark. Wondering if Ella would be alright without him. She wanted him to be there to see her start school. She needed him to be there to help her. "Why did you leave me?" She thought aloud.

"Who?" Robert asked from the doorway.

She jumped. "Oh." She said embarrassed as he came in and sat down next to her. "Sorry about that." She said.

"About what? You couldn't help it." He told her.

She looked down. She knew she should ask him to check her out but she was afraid she didn't want to know what was wrong. She knew that if she was sick there was probably nothing anyone could do so why not just let it go? She could be with Mark again. But Ella, what about Ella? She would be an orphan. How awful. Could she do that to her daughter? Of course she could. Someone would take Ella. They would love her and watch her grow up. Why shouldn't she be with Mark sooner than later?

"Lizzy?" Robert asked waving a hand in front of her face.

"Sorry, sorry." She apologized again.

"What's wrong? Don't say nothing you can talk to me." He told her.

"I'm fine. I just... I just don't feel well is all." She lied.

"Then lay down. What are your symptoms?" He asked.

"Robert..." She started.

"Lizzie..." He countered.

"Nausea, dizzy spells. That's pretty much it." She said as a fresh wave of nausea hit. "Oh." She said quietly.

"Hmm?" He asked as he took a lock of her hair into his fingers.

She sighed remembering how Mark had done that.  
"Hmm?" He asked again.

"Nothing." She answered. "Nothing." She repeated.

"Lizzie..." He pried.

"No, I can't Robert. I'm sorry. I just can't." She begged.

"Can't what?" He asked. He was very concerned.

"Please. Please." She begged again. "Please."

"Please what?" He asked.

"Please don't. I can't talk about this. Not now." She pleaded.

He kissed the top of her head. "Oh Lizzie, I know you miss him." He said softly.

She burst into tears right there. He took her into his arms and hushed her. Eventually, her sobs turned to occasional hiccups.  
"Why don't you come with me?" He asked taking her hand and helping her up.  
"What?" She sniffed. "Where are we going?" She asked as he guided her to the ER. "Robert, what are you doing?" She asked.

"I am getting you checked out. And don't try to back out. I won't let you." He told her stubbornly.  
"I don't want to be checked out. I don't want more people telling me how sorry they are. I don't want more people looking at me clearly saying 'poor woman' and I don't want anyone thinking I'm sick!" She said as she started crying again right in the middle of the ER.

He quickly guided her to Exam 3 so that she wouldn't be embarrassed.   
"Shhh, Lizzie don't cry." He said giving her a tight bear hug.

She let herself melt into him and for the first time in nearly a month, she felt safe. She felt loved. "Thank you." She whispered as he wiped her eyes.

"Now let's check you over." He suggested.

"Will you?" She asked she was scared of being without him. He was the only one who was able to give her sympathy without making her angry.

"Sure." He agreed. They walked back into the ER. Elizabeth's eyes were still quite puffy. "Dr. Lewis," He called. "Come with me." She came. He helped Elizabeth onto the table.

"Elizabeth, are you alright?" She asked immediately.

"Does she look alright?" Robert asked sarcastically.

"No, not really." She answered.

Elizabeth just sat there awkwardly. "Well then how about you see what's wrong huh?" he asked obviously.

"Why don't you go back up to the OR and we can handle it from here." Susan suggested.

Elizabeth let out a whimper and reached out to him. He took her hand. "What and let the boneheads in the ER take care of her. I'm staying." He said finally. "Lizzy it's OK." He whispered.

"I'm scared." She admitted quietly.

"Well, don't worry, we'll take care of you." Susan promised. "Dr. Romano, can I see you outside for a minute?" She asked.

Elizabeth whimpered again as more dizziness came. She had to lie down.

"It's Ok sweetheart. I'll be right back." He reassured her with a kiss on the forehead.

She nodded and they went out to the hall. Susan gave him a questioning look.  
"She came in this morning with dizzy spells and nausea. She tried to go on working but I told her to take it easy. She went in the Surgical Lounge and I came in to see her after my Appy. She wasn't making sense and I told her that I knew she missed Mark. She started crying and hasn't really stopped since. I brought her down here so you can see why she's dizzy and nauseous. I'll handle the emotions." He explained.

"Ok then." Susan agreed as they went back in. "Elizabeth, I want to get a CBC Ok?" She asked.

Elizabeth nodded and held on tightly to Robert while she drew the blood. "OK." Susan said smiling at her. She took her temperature. "99." She said. "Not bad."

"Lizzie, are you hungry? Thirsty? Anything?" Rocket asked.

She shook her head no.

A few hours later Susan came back with the results. "CBC's normal." Susan whispered to Romano.

"So... what do you think is wrong with her?" He whispered back.

"I don't know. But because of her symptoms, I am kind of worried about pregnancy. I want to give her a pregnancy test." She whispered.

"Ok. Do it." He decided.

Susan woke her up and did the test. She was pregnant. She got out the ultra sound so that Elizabeth could see her baby.

"Wait." Rocket ordered. "Not yet. I'll tell her." He said.

Susan nodded and went outside so that Rocket could talk to Elizabeth. "Lizzie, honey." He started. She opened her eyes. "Baby, he left you one last gift." He said smiling.

She looked up confused. "You're pregnant." He told her gently.

"Oh G-d. Oh my G-d. No. No, this can't be right." She cried. Tears were falling down her cheeks. "A baby? I can't take care of another baby without him. I'm having enough trouble with Ella. The baby won't even know him! I can't do this! Robert I can't do this alone. WHY'D HE LEAVE ME?!" She yelled before breaking down again.

Robert held her for almost an hour before she exhausted herself and fell asleep in his arms.

He laid her back down and went outside to find Susan. He saw her getting ready to grab another chart. "Dr. Lewis!" he called.

"Yes?" She asked walking over to him.

"She's asleep now. I told her. She's not thrilled." He told her.

"Well, she doesn't need to stay but I don't think she should go home either. At least not alone. She's gonna need some help with Ella and all." Susan said.

"I'll take her to my place. Should I take her now?" He asked.

"Do you want to wait until she wakes up so we can show her her baby?" She asked.

"No. I don't think she really wants to see it right now." He said. "I'll bring her back tomorrow to see it." He added.

"Ok. Then go ahead. Take her." Susan said signing her discharge papers.

"Thanks." Rocket said grabbing Elizabeth's coat and his own. He wrapped both around her and picked her up. She was stirring a little. "Shhh. It's Ok Lizzy. I gotcha." He said. She nodded and went back to sleep.

He drove them to her place first. He left her in the car because she was still asleep. He went in and got Ella. He paid Kris and packed Ella a bag. He then went to Elizabeth's bedroom. He had always wanted to be in there. But not for this reason. He wanted her so badly. Now was not the time. He got some underwear and bras. Oh did he love doing that. Then he moved on to pants. He grabbed a pair of jeans, a couple of sweats, and a pair of PJ bottoms. He got a few pairs of socks. He brought out some T-shirts, a tank top, a few PJ tops, and a sweatshirt. He brought the bags out to the car and then went back in for Ella. He tried to explain to her that mommy was sick and they were gonna stay at his place for a while. She didn't seem to get it. She only pointed to his car and said, "wed."

"Yes that's red." He said smiling at her. She was an adorable baby. He wasn't surprised considering Elizabeth's amazing looks. "We need to be really quiet when we get to the car Ok? Mommy's sleeping." He explained.

"Shhh." She said.

He smiled again and nodded. He loaded her into the back in the car seat Kris had brought out for him. She stayed quiet as they drove away.

When they got to his place Elizabeth was still asleep. He picked Ella out of the back and brought her inside. "You did a great job of being quiet. We didn't wake mama." He said.

She smiled and giggled a little.

He smiled back. "I'll be right back Ok? I just need to go get some of your things." He said.

She nodded and he brought the bags in. He got out a doll for her and she was content while he went out to get Elizabeth.

"Lizzy honey. We're here." He said gently unbuckling her.

"Hmmm." She whispered still half asleep.

"Ok. Come on baby." He said picking her up again.

"What? Where am I?" She asked looking around.

"Lizzie, it's alright." He said carrying her inside. She was very weak. She had been losing weight so it wasn't hard for Robert to carry her. He laid her on the couch.

"Mommy!!!" Ella cried happily crawling up into her lap.

"Hello darling." Elizabeth said faking a smile. She didn't want to scare her daughter. She wasn't even entirely sure how she felt about the whole thing.

"Ella, are you hungry?" Robert asked her from the kitchen.

"Yeah!" She answered.  
"Lizzie?" He asked.

"No thanks. I'm Ok." She said. She was still pretty nauseous and wasn't sure if she could keep anything down.

"Poor Lizzy." He whispered to himself as he fixed a bottle of juice for Ella and started the spaghetti.

"Here you go Angel." He said handing her the bottle.

"Fank you Wobbie." She said.

He smiled. 'Wobbie.' He liked it.

When the spaghetti was done he put it on two plates and fixed a piece of toast for Elizabeth. He didn't want her to be hungry but he knew she probably wouldn't be able to handle spaghetti just yet.

"Yummy." Ella said happily as she ate.

Elizabeth only picked at her toast. "I'm sorry. I don't think I can." She said when she saw Rocket looking at her.

"It's Ok. Maybe later." He said gently.

She nodded and put her plate away. She went upstairs and changed out of her scrubs into one of the pairs of sweatpants and the tank top. She went back downstairs and laid down on the couch. Robert got up and put a blanket over her.

"Thank you." She said.

He smiled at her and did the dishes. He took Ella upstairs and changed her diaper and got her into her PJ's. He brought her back downstairs.

"Mommy sick?" She asked.

"Yeah. Mommy doesn't feel so good. But don't worry precious. She'll be Ok." Robert said.

Elizabeth smiled slightly. She could see him bonding with Ella. She liked it. Ella didn't really know men too well.

"Do you wuv Mommy?" Ella asked.

Elizabeth blushed. "Ella..." She scolded.

Robert gave Elizabeth a look. "Yes I do. Very much." He said.

Elizabeth looked down.

"Me too." Ella said matter-of-factly.

Robert laughed. "Why don't you say goodnight to Mommy and I'll take you upstairs?" He asked.

"Night night Mama." She said.

Robert took her upstairs and put her to bed. He changed into his own sweats and went back downstairs.

"How ya feelin?" He asked sitting with her.

"I've been better. You?" She asked resting her head on his shoulder.

"I'm fine." He said stroking her hair. "I told Lewis I'd bring you back tomorrow for ultra sound." He said.

"Oh." She said. "I'm so confused." She whimpered.  
"About what?" He asked.

"I can't kill it. It's all I've got left of him! But I can't keep it. I have enough trouble being a single mother to one baby. I don't think I can handle two." She cried.

"You won't be alone." He promised. "I want to be with you." He told her.

She only nodded. She knew Mark would want her to be happy. But she missed him so much. And it was so soon. She wasn't sure what kind of relationship she was ready for. She knew though, that Robert was going to be there no matter what she wanted. She fell asleep knowing that.

Robert watched her sleep. He fell asleep to her rhythmic breathing. He didn't wake up until he felt her stir. She was having a bad dream.  
"Lizzy, wake up. Lizzy it's ok." He said waking her up.

She woke and looked around. "Ok. I'm ok." She said.

"Bad dream?" He asked.

"Yeah." She answered.

He got up and fixed her some tea. "Thanks." She said taking a sip. "Robert, what am I supposed to do?" She asked.

"Whatever you think is right." He answered.

"How do I know what that is?" She asked.

"You don't. You guess. And then you do the best you can. I'll help you no matter what you decide." He promised.

"Ok." She said still trying to figure out what she wanted. She also had to consider what Mark would have wanted, what she could do, what Ella would want, and what was right for the baby.

"Why don't we see if we can't get you back to sleep huh?" He suggested.

"Ok." She said again.

"Lizzy, you're warm." He said.

"No, I'm cold." She said confused.

"I want to take your temperature." He decided getting up and getting the thermometer.

"Ok." She repeated.

He took her temperature and read it. "Ok. How are you feeling?" He asked concerned.

"Not so great." She said. "But I'm Ok. I've felt this way before...I think."

"No sweetheart, I don't think you have." He said. "I think we ought to take you back to County. You could have an infection, or a complication, or a virus, or a-"

She cut him off. "Or the flu." She answered. "I'm fine. Just a little under the weather." She promised.

He didn't stop worrying though. He only worried more. He wished she would just let him take care of her.  
"Robert, stop worrying. I'm a little stressed out is all. I've just been told my late husband left me two babies instead of just one that I will be raising never to know him. Not to mention Rachel." She explained.

"I know, but you shouldn't have a fever. There's something wrong I know it. Please, please, listen to me. Please let me take you back to County." He begged.

"No Robert. I don't want to go. We're going back in the morning anyway. Why can't I wait until then?" She asked.

"OK, but one more symptom and we're outta here." He warned.

"Ok." She said. "I'm going back to sleep." She informed him as she laid down again.

She was feeling worse by the minute but there was no way she would let on. She didn't want to go back to County. She wanted to stay right where she was forever. She never wanted to say another word. Never wanted to hear another word. Never wanted to see another soul. Never wanted to open her eyes. Never wanted to move. Never wanted to think, eat, dream or anything. She only wanted to sleep her life away. After all, things go faster when you're sleeping right? She coughed slightly and Romano freaked.

"That's it!" He cried. "We're going."

"No, Robert, I coughed. One little cough. I am FINE!" She yelled but had to stop to cough again.

He picked her up and carried her to the car still kicking and screaming. He called Abby to go over to his house and watch Ella. Elizabeth had to stop fighting him because she became quite exhausted and very nauseous. "I'm sorry." She whispered before falling asleep in his arms.

They arrived at County. "LEWIS!!" He called flying through the door carrying Elizabeth. "Get you're a out here NOW!" He screamed.

She came. "What is- Oh my Gosh! What happened?" She asked looking at the limp figure in his arms.  
"I don't know." He said frantically. "She got a fever and chills and a cough. She's so weak." He said sadly. "Please help her." He begged.

"Get her into exam one." Susan said. "Abby and Chuny! I need you in here!" She called to them. Both came running.

"Robert!" She cried afraid of all the fuss.

"It's Ok love." He said taking her hand. "Hang in there."

"What's going on?" She asked. The lights flicked brighter in the room. "AHHHH!" She yelped closing her eyes and holding her head.

"Photophobia?" Susan asked.

She nodded slightly with tears rolling down her cheeks. She was barely able to move for the migraine.

"It's OK sweetheart." He said. "It's Ok. You're Ok." He promised.

"What's happening? Am I dying? What's going on someone please!" She called out. She couldn't see. She thought this was it. Maybe it was time. Time to go home. To see Mark again. To watch Ella grow up from above. To care for her from above. Not to suffer anymore. She wanted to give in. She wanted to give up.

"I don't know. But it seems like you may have pneumococcal meningitis." Susan said tossing masks to everyone in the room. "I want this room sterilized and air-tight!" She shouted.

"I'm on it!" Chuny called.

"And get Weaver in here!" She added. "And Kovac! Oh heck. Get me Carter too." She yelled.

"Ok!" She called going outside and grabbing some pills and water. She handed them to everyone in the room and they all took it. Weaver, Carter, and Luka took them before entering. "Let's intubate." Luka said. "8.0 E.G. Tube!" He called. Chuny handed it to him. He intubated. Elizabeth looked around terrified. She reached out for Robert's hand. He took it.

"It's Ok." He whispered. She nodded.

"Elizabeth, we need to start antibiotics immediately." Carter told her.

She nodded.

"Ok sweetie." Robert said holding her hand when Carter gave her the shot.

"All done." Carter said winking at her.

She closed her eyes and let herself fall into the darkness. She felt like ice. She couldn't move. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't talk. She couldn't even think. But she was happy to be there. She figured she was dying. She wanted to die. She was totally ready.

Robert was still holding her hand even though she was unconscious.  
"When will she wake up?" He asked Carter letting his concern show.

"I don't know. I really don't. She may not ever." He said sadly.

"No, she has to wake up. She can't die." He said almost breaking down. 'No Rocket, stay strong for her. When she wakes up she'll be scared enough. No need to go and make it worse.' He thought.

She stayed unconscious for a day. Then she slowly opened her eyes. She tried to talk but found herself intubated. She tried to move but found herself sore and weak. She could only manage to squeeze Robert's hand waking him up.  
"Hello sleeping beauty." He beamed at her.

She tried to smile but could only blink.  
"Let me call Lewis." He said paging Susan. She came.

"Elizabeth! You're awake!" She exclaimed. Elizabeth nodded. She was getting tired again. She closed her eyes ready for sleep again. "Uh uh. Not yet." Susan said, "You need to stay awake." She said.

Robert felt somewhat helpless but at the same time joyful that she was awake. He was still smiling at her. He wanted her to be confident. He wanted her to be happy. He wanted her to be strong. He knew she could be all of those things. But at the same time he knew she needed him to be all of those things for her.

Elizabeth only wanted to be extubated. She gathered all of her strength and touched the breathing tube. She hoped they knew what she meant.

Robert did. "When can you extubate?" He asked Susan.

"Maybe tomorrow. If not late tonight." She said.

Elizabeth nodded. She was so tired. She wished they weren't keeping her up. She didn't think she could handle another minute without a major breakdown. But she wanted to wait until she was extubated. She wanted to wait until she could tell them all to leave her alone. She didn't want to be babied. She didn't want to be comforted. She only wanted to be left alone. Again, she thought, she was so tired. She tried to lift her head a little but found she didn't have the strength. A few hours passed quickly and she slept them away. Finally Susan came in again to extubate her. "Hey guess what. It's time." She said. "You know the drill, on my count, 1,2,3 blow." She said.   
Elizabeth took a deep breath and blew hard. She felt herself gag and tried to swallow. She coughed for a few minutes trying not to throw up. Finally she leaned back, exhausted. She tried to stay awake but she couldn't. She let sleep overcome her. She slept for about 4 hours.

Finally she opened her eyes and saw Robert sitting right there with her. He was looking down at her with kind eyes.

"Hello sweetheart." He said gently.

She tried to say something but found her throat quite soar. She coughed again. "Sorry." She whispered.  
"Don't be." Rocket said stroking her cheek gingerly. "Why don't we see if we can't get you something eat." He suggested.

"No." she rasped. "Please, I cant."

The door opened and in came a volunteer with a tray of food. The smells swirled through her nostrils and made her stomach churn. She could taste the bile coming to her throat. She waved them away. Looking horrified, they left. She started coughing again. Gagging really. Retching. Rocket helped her lean over a basin but it was too late. She had vomited all over herself and him. She was crying tears of embarrassment and pain. Lots of pain. Rocket changed his shirt and grabbed a new gown for her. "That's Ok baby." He said as he changed her. "There." He said. He grabbed a tissue and dabbed at her cheeks. She sniffed. He sat down on the bed behind her and let her lean into him. 'She's so warm.' He thought. 'I'm so cold.' She thought as a chill ran up her spine and she shivered.

"You're cold?" He asked surprised.

"Freezing." She said.

He got a blanket and placed it on top of her. He wanted to do more but couldn't. He wanted so badly to take her pain. He was willing to trade places. But he was unable to do so, so he had to merely stand by and help her through it in any way possible.

"Thanks." She was glad he'd stayed. She knew she couldn't go through it alone.

He nodded. It was all he could do. "You Ok now?" He asked.

"No." She said dryly. "But I'm as good as I'll get." She said offering a week smile.

He smiled back. "Hungry?" He teased.

She glared at him. "What do you think?" She asked sarcastically.

"I'll take that is a no." he answered.

She smiled. "I love you." She said gazing into his eyes.

"I love you too." He promised stroking her cheek.

Susan came in again. "Hello. Can you eat?" she asked.

"No, definitely not." Elizabeth answered quickly.

Susan laughed. "Nauseous?" She guessed.

"Very." Elizabeth answered honestly.

"I'm sorry. I'll see if I can't get you something.

"Oh I'll be alright." She says but felt herself wretch again. "Ok. Maybe not." She decided.

Susan laughed again. "I'll be right back." She promised.

Elizabeth laid back and Romano kissed her warm cheek. "Your fever still hasn't gone down." He worried.

"I'm fine!" She said swatting at him playfully.

"Are you positive? You feel OK?" He asked.

"No." She said. "I don't feel Ok. But I'm not supposed to. I have meningitis." She reminded him.

"I know but.." He started.

She cut him off. "No buts. I'm fine." She promised gently taking his hand.

Susan came back in


End file.
